WHY’s BEFORE WHAT’s… always…

The greatest key to understanding our children’s challenges is not from naming the WHAT’s, it’s from asking the WHY’s…

When our children, no matter their age, are acting out, we are so often quick to name the WHAT’s…

WHAT behaviours are our children displaying that are frustrating, trying, challenging? Screaming, biting, bullying, tantrums, meltdowns, sexting, drinking, back chatting… The list is endless… If we focus on the WHAT’s we miss the point of the behaviour entirely- and there’s always a point, there’s always a message woven between the frayed, broken edges… When we focus on the WHAT’s all we do is to cast blame…

When we focus on the WHAT’s, the cycle of behaviour will continue… The tantrums, the meltdowns may end, but something else will surface in its place… To change behaviour, we have to ask WHY… The WHY’s will take us to the root, the core, the soul of the pain, the cause… There is a reason for every behaviour. For our children and teens, behaviour IS their tool of communication…

So, dear parent, before we cast blame and begin listing our child’s challenging behaviours to ourselves and to others, we need to step back, and ask ourselves WHY?…

Why is my child behaving in this way?

When we are able to answer WHY we will find the keys to our child’s inner world… We will find out what parts of their daily lives are painful to them… We will get insight into their struggles, their torments…We will be able to glance beneath the surface to see the emotions which are so hidden in the hurt that they present as anger, as lashings out, as rebellion, as defiance…

There is always a WHY, a WHY which often requires introspection from us as parents. Only by answering WHY can we really help our children… By answering WHY we can really hear them speak…

Be a parent who puts WHY ahead of WHAT…

With motherly love
Naomi
❤️

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